Universal Programming

In the beginning there was the computer. And God said:

c:\>Let there be light!

Enter user ID.

c:\>God

Enter password.

c:\>Omniscient

Password incorrect. Try again.

c:\>Technocrat

And God logged on at 12:01:00 AM, Sunday, March 1.

c:\>Let there be light!

Unrecognizable command. Try again.

c:\>Create light

Done

c:\>Run separation of light and dark

And God created day and night. And God saw there were 0 errors.

c:\>Create firmament

Done

c:\>Run firmament

And God divided the waters. And God saw there were 0 errors.

c:\>Create dry_land

Done

c:\>Run dry_land

And God divided land from water. And God saw there were 0 errors.

c:\>Create sun_moon_stars

Done

c:\>Run sun_moon_stars

And God created lights in the sky. And God saw there were 0 errors.

c:\>Create fish and fowl

Done

c:\>Create cattle and creepy_things

Done

c:\>Now let us make man in our image

Unspecified type. Try again.

c:\>Create man

Done

c:\>Be fruitful and multiply and replenish the earth and subdue it and have dominion over the fish of the sea and over the fowl of the air and over every living thing that creepeth upon the earth

Too many command operands. Try again.

c:\>Run multiplication

Execution terminated. 1 errors.

c:\>Copy woman from man

Done

And God saw man and woman enjoying life in Garden.edn

c:\>Create tree_of_knowledge

Warning: No time limit on this run. 1 errors.

Warning system error in sector E02. Man and woman not in Garden.edn. 1 errors.

c:\>Scan Garden.edn for man, woman

Search failed.

c:\>Destroy freewill

Freewill is an inaccessible file and cannot be destroyed.

Enter replacement, cancel, or ask for help.

c:\>Stop

Unrecognizable command. Try again

c:\>Break

c:\>Break

c:\>Break

ATTENTION ALL USERS *** ATTENTION ALL USERS: VIRUS DETECTED***COMPUTER GOING DOWN.

c:\>Identify virus

Virus=SIN

c:\>Erase sin

System violation. Operator must become virus to erase it.

c:\>So be it

And God logged off.

September 01, 2002 / Fresh Start
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Karl Haffner is senior pastor of the Walla Walla College Church and writes from College Place, Wash.